How to adopt the religion of the Female Cat
Attention All Female Felines!
First of all Ladies, here are 10 simple rules, adopt the religion of the Female Cat!
1. Eat When you are hungry (Frequent snacks are permitted)
2. Sleep when you are tired and disregard the humans clock.
3. Always bury your poop and demand immaculate sanitary facilities at all times.
4. Wash Often, especially after eating.
5. Be soft and fuzzy (Always) but keep your claws sharp!
6. Do not always come when you are called. (Unless perhaps food is involved)
7. Express your self passionately during sex, however try to avoid public displays.
8. Accept rules that you feel are necessary to your freedom, if you find them tolerable, tolerate them. If you find them too confining, break them.
9. Everything in excess! Moderation is control and for Dogs only!
10. Finally, Being powerful is like being a lady, if you have to tell humans you are, you are not!
FROM: Lady Victoria, 07/10/09
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•• Purringly submitted by; Lady Victoria of Cats A Lot Kingdom |
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How to honor Bast
Cats and Gods
Just a reminder to all felines of the world. Never forget to honor Bast!
Her appearance in our lives can be traced back to 3200BC and among many of her duties she protected humans from diseases and evil sprits. She was responsible for their health and healing as well as joy, music and dancing.
Cats were considered manifestations of the Deity then, were sacred and protected the humans grain from rats and mice. A human that killed a cat in those times was punished by death!
We were once worshipped as Gods......Never forget that!
The forgoing is brought to you as a public feline service to you while "Guarding Bast".
Yours in Feline Friendship, Lady Gray a/k/a "Smoke" and Sir Felix the Third a/k/a FeeLee
FROM: Lady Gray & Sir Felix the Third, 07/04/09
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•• This is us - showing you how to honor Bast! |
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How to have fun with a
laptop
Our names are Oreo (black and white), Sugar (Grey and white) and Baby (brown,black,white). We wanted to send you some funny pictures our mom took of us with her new laptop. They're really silly, and they were fun to make!
Mom loves hanging out and playing with us, she's awesome and loves us very much! We hope you like our pictures!
FROM: Oreo, Sugar and Baby, 02/25/09
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•• Oh yeah! Come on little girl…I have been lying like this for two ours now, waiting for you to give me a kiss.. |
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How to GET A KISS : )
BE IRRESISTIBLE! ... like me!
Love from Harald , the cat named after the Norwegian king
FROM: Harald, 10/04/08
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•• Oh yeah! Come on little girl…I have been lying like this for two ours now, waiting for you to give me a kiss.. |
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How to: HIDE
Remember, if you can't see them, they can't see you!
FROM: Mouse, 09/30/08
Mouse's furniture for cool cats:
www.kittythecat.com |
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•• Now, where IS that cat??? |
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How to help yourself to a bite to eat - well, she left it on the floor!
There I was absolutely starving after one of the lady members of my staff (she likes to be called Mummy) decided to have a lie in as it was Sunday consequently my breakfast was late (no more mice for her!).
Being a bit dippy she put the can on the floor while she answered the phone – well I ask you - how could I resist?
I did only have the one piece though (or maybe it was two pieces) before she came back. I can’t see how she can complain because it keeps my fur lovely and shiny and my teeth and gums are really healthy. She has to use all sorts of gunk on her fur to make it shine, I think she’s just jealous.
FROM: Lilly, 02/16/08
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•• I can't get the lid off
•• I STILL can't get the lid off
•• I can't get my head in now
•• I've got it now
•• Oh, I've DEFINITELY got it now |
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"A (December) day in the life of... ME!"
Or
"How to pass the time while waiting for christmas"
Your patience really gets challenged when you're waiting for Christmas and all the nice presents you're gonna get. This is how I make time pass a little faster:
First I built a snowman - I don't show it on this picture, but I was actually quite proud of the result!
Then I help my humans with the Christmas ornaments on the tree. They put them on and I pulled them off again. That way I helped my humans pass the time as well. I'm such a good and clever cat!
And finally I put MY presents for my humans under the tree. I had saved this lollipop for my human family since I found it lying on the sidewalk outside out house about 8 months ago. I am so considerate!
FROM: Sylvester, 12/12/07
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•• How I make time pass while I wait for Christmas |
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How to look your best - let your human dress you up
Hi, I'm Sylvester, I am a cat that enjoys dressing up.
This is a beautiful picture of me, which the humans (one of my owners Mhari, age 10) took of me... I must say she has taken my best side - what do you think?
And here's another purrrfect picture of me in another of my outfits. Merry christmas!
FROM: Sylvester, 11/07/07
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•• Don't I look beautiful? |
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How to hide from your human
Sometimes you just wanna be left alone, you know? Not talked to, not played with, not photographed, not ANYTHING!
Well, as you can see from these photos (okay, I still haven't quite figured out how to escape that darn camera-thing!), I have developed quite a skill for hiding!
So when you want to be alone, hide in in pots, drawers, behind plants or pose as a lamp. It USUALLY works!
FROM: Sophie, 10/29/07
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•• How to hide from your human |
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How to relax
Hi, my name is NASDAQ but my friends call me Nazzie.
I have discovered that the perfect way to relax is on my back, that way I can keep tabs on what's going on around me.
I live with my human room mates, Larry & Teddy Page, in a 37 foot fifth wheel RV. I am very interested in ornothology and spend a lot of time studying the birds that come to our window bird-feeder.
FROM: Nazzie, 09/30/07
You can follow our travels at www.larryandteddy.blogspot.com |
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•• The PERFECT way to relax! |
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How to get your human to take your picture
My Name is Bibby and I'm nine years old. I love the warmth of the sunlight. And if I want my human to take a picture of me, I just position myself in a flattering ray of sunlight. Works like a charm. Every time!
FROM: Bibby, 07/22/07
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••That's me, Bibby, aka The Sunshine Cat |
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How to get "up close and PURRsonal" with your human
Just look beautiful, adorable and cute and your human will feel compelled to take your picture : )
FROM: Sonic, Sebastião, Cereja and Peras, 05/12/07
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•• Looking adorable and cute comes naturally to all cats - as you very well know! |
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How to say "leave me alone"
This is the look you give your human when you want them to understand that you are NOT in the mood for playing or in any way entertaining them or their guests.
FROM: Cereja, 04/28/07
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•• Not really "the evil eye" - just a look that says "let me sleep". |
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Avoid those awful pawicures
Do you hate it when your human clip your nails?
Well, than do it yourself!
Bite them off like I demonstrate here.
FROM: Dorus, 04/10/07
PS:
My human's name is Angel
and we have our own website, Angel & Kitties
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•• This is how you avoid getting pawicures |
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Let the world know when ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!
My name is Mollie and I'm a Swedish cat, and I have to share this expression with the world.
You have to teach your people and your fellow cats, how you look when enough is enough!
This expression means "F*** Off"! Learn it, and use it!
My special human, Eva, assisted me with this mail. She is a good human, and does everything I
tell her to.
Lots of Meows from Mollie
FROM: Mollie, 04/09/07
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•• Oh, you don't wanna mess with ME! |
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Wash Thy Neighbor
Gertie and Eddie cats demonstrate the great Catmandment. (No religious offense intended - God has a sense of humor, right?).
FROM: Eddie and Gertie, 04/07/07
Submitted by Eddie and Gertie Cats of:
ClydeSight 2.0! - The Fun and Games Cat Site | |
•• Wash Thy Neighbor - aka "cat wash". |
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Keep your human from working
As everyone knows humans are designed as servicepersonel for cats. Sometimes they tend to forget this, often referring to something called "work".
To help them forget this nonsense, place yourself between the human and the computer screen, easy and effective. This works best if you gain some weight. Big is beautiful.
FROM: Elvis, 03/20/07
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•• Big is beautiful! ...and practial : )
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Please your human
Spread love not catfight.
FROM: Elvis & Hektor, 03/20/07
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•• Humans looooove when we do this!
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Acquire feline invisibility
How to hide from the humies!
As this picture clearly demonstrates a laundry basket is just as good as a cloak of invisibility.
I am invisible for the humie eye!
P.S. I am a studly brown and black main coon named Hector
FROM: Hektor, 03/18/07
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•• I am invisible for the humie eye!
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Throw up grass the right way
- part 1
Before you eat grass, make sure that you are close to a suitable place to throw up. Delicate furniture fabrics, precious carpets, and shoes are all good places. If you choose furniture: aim for the part that has non-removable fabric.
FROM: Sonny & Cher, 03/16/07
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•• First you look for a suitable place to leave your little grass present. This kind of door mat is an excellent choice. Almost impossible to clean!
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Throw up grass the right way
- part 2
When you are getting down to business, make sure you back up a step or two so that you cover the largest area possible.
Another technique is to do several items with pauses in-between. Persian carpets will give a good camouflage effect and your little gift will often not be discovered until somebody steps in it.
FROM: Sonny & Cher, 03/16/07
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•• My work here is done.
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Make the most of your shedding
- part 1
Make it a priority to shed indoors on appropriate surfaces. Fleece is a particularly suitable material to shred on. All you need to do is pass close by your human when he or she is wearing fleece. All cat hair within a radius of 2 feet from the fabric will immediately be transferred to your human. No brushing necessary for several days!
FROM: Sonny, 03/16/07
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•• Black fleece - it's almost too easy! Well, I think my work here is done. |
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Make the most of your shedding
- part 2
Another good solution is to get access to a filled clothes hamper. Jump in and give all contents a good work over. An extra bonus with this method is that most cat hairs will survive a trip to the washing machine. Your human will be stylishly accessorized with cat hair on all outfits.
FROM: Sonny, 03/16/07
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•• Ooooh, an open hamper. Lovely! |
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Get extra food
All chances for a bit of extra food must and should be taken advantage of. Whenever your human is in the kitchen, you have a prime opportunity of getting an extra snack.
When your human is busy at the kitchen counter place yourself in your humans blind angle (just behind the ankle is usually a good spot). And the second your human moves one or both feet you jump back screaming your most heart-wrenching cry.
Your human will automatically assume that he/she stepped on you. When your human looks back scared to see what is happening look up at him/her with a painful expression on your face (practice this before hand in front of a mirror).
Your human's bad conscience will often result an edible apology.
FROM: Sonny & Cher, 03/16/07
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••This is a good spot to place yourself! |
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